Anatomy of an Affair, Part I

Affairs begin for a variety of reasons. The possible motivations are nearly endless, but they include:

(1) increasing emotional distance from one's spouse
(2) irrepressible horniness
(3) boredom
(4) longing for that 'magic' spark
(5) anger (retaliation affair)
(6) desire for human touch (typically resulting from a frigid marriage)

First, be warned. Have an affair is often an absolutely shitty experience. You may go into it thinking it will just be about sex. For some, this mindset of mechanical fucking is achievable. For others, the emotional strings that come with physical intimacy can cause real problems. Consider this story, taken from an acquaintance's email with her permission:

"I dove in head-first, but with the intention of keeping my marriage intact. My sex life with my husband had become incredibly routine and boring. Quite frankly, I felt under-appreciated. And while I knew I was very attractive to the opposite sex, my husband didn't make me feel that way.

I found my lover on Craigslist. He was wonderful (intelligent, good looking, charming, and good in bed). We met for drinks twice before getting a hotel room. The experience was exhilarating, the chemistry incredible.

We started emailing every day, then it moved to IM'ing, then sneaking out of the house to make phone calls. My husband, who is not particularly attuned to this stuff, started to notice. I spent a lot of time on my laptop, typing away with my back to the wall.

Living a double life is hard. My feelings for my lover intensified. I could tell me wanted more from me than I could give. I had made it clear that I wasn't leaving my marriage. After six months of increasingly passionate encounters (and a few very close calls), I just couldn't take it anymore. I was approaching the point at which I could no longer stomach the deception. I had to end the affair, and I found myself distraught (to say the least) and more distant from my husband than ever. I had fallen in love with my lover, and I had to let him walk away. It still hurts. My advice: Proceed with caution!"

So there you have it, from someone who's been there. I know of others who have had good experiences, but these good experiences often entail the realization that a life-change is on the horizon. In other words, those that had a "good" experience often discovered that they needed to leave their marriage, and that's exactly what they did.

More to come...